ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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