Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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