I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
