so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
