i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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