his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
