is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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