I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
