everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
