Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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