Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
