I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
