just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
