we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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