Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
