Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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