Who wears a wallet chain?!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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