SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
