3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
