i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We had sex on a dog bed..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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