I just made out with a guy for $7.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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