He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
