I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
