You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
