I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
