there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can I color on your dick again?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
