we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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