So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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