So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
