I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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