Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
