I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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