Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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