So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
