Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
