id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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