the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
