I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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