just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize