I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my shit smells like andre
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
