what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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