Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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