we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
