you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He better not be in your backpack
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize
