u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
