Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
