tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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