I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
