and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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