i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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