I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Need sex. Gaining weight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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