are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
