Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
