It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
