Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
