I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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