Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I just put wine in my tea
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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