explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
