The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
