I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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