do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
