Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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