DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
