You're a womanizer and a bitch.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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