I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
