i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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