Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
