Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
