She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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