apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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