is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
