My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
