Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
