How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize