even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
