it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
