On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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