I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Come on in and take your pants off
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
