dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
