When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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