Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
