I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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