Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
