I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
