I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
