Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just puked most of my soul out..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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